Mission Statement

I have a lot of conversations that sound like this:

"So, what do you do?"

The corner of my mouth moves up into a grin and I look the questioner in the eye. I know the reaction I'm about to elicit; it happens every time I talk about my profession. "I'm a private detective."

"No way!" They suddenly move back a little and straighten up in their seat while their eyes get wide and mouths open slightly.

In an instant of eye movement and thought, I can see that I am being evaluated in terms of Thomas Magnum and Sam Spade. Without a Ferrari and seriously manly mustache or fedora and trenchcoat, I am falling very short of expectations. So, of course, they have to ask again.

"Seriously? You're seriously a private investigator?"

"Seriously." Sigh.

Suddenly, the shock turns to awe. "You're a private eye? A private dick? Wow."

For some reason no one ever uses the terms gumshoe or shamus. I think those are much better than Private Dick.

Then comes the second part to the conversation:

"So, what do you investigate?"

If I thought of myself as a Private Dick, I could say that I investigate privates. It's probably a good thing I am more of a Shamus.

Now I, too, am interested again in this conversation, as what a private detective investigates can be a very interesting question. I bet that if you have read this far, you are probably interested in the answer.

Well, Dear Reader, that is why I now have a blog. If you continue to read, we can continue to converse about the modern adventures of a real life private eye.